Relationships

I always hear that I’m a super smart girl, but when it comes to relationships I feel super dumb. I’ve been seeing a guy on and off for about 3 years, which is way too long to not have a stable relationship. It started out bad, with little lies which led to a complete lack of trust that became more apparent every day.

Now, we’re broken up and blocked. It wasn’t his choice to block each other it was mine. It seems like a really petty, immature thing to do, but it actually helps me so much to know that even if I wanted to, I cannot reach out to him. I’m not sure how to feel. I’m angry, sad, and I want him to fight for me, but he just gives up so easily. It’s hard to think that one person who was your best friend for so long can be so cruel and not show any sympathy during a time when I’m hurting so much. I hate break-ups. I hate everything about them. I’m trying to stay busy, but it’s so fresh it’s all I can think about.

I know why we broke-up and I know that it’s the best thing, but I still want us to try to work things out. I just invested so much already I feel like I’m losing so much because he and I didn’t work out. I hate losing. As much as I understand that we’re better off apart, I want him back. I’d fight with him for the rest of my life, and it makes me so sad that he won’t do the same. That he just gave up. I’m totally worth the fight.

I’m trying to stay busy and my new job has me doing that, but it’s still really difficult! Maybe I’ll go meet with a counselor to talk about this, because I weirdly like talking about it now.

Thanks for reading and being a resource for me to bounce my thoughts around. Hoping to have a new attitude in a few days!

  XXXXX      (but can we keep anonymous)